Water, water, and water til wednesday.
Anything else enters my mouth, comes right back out of it.

I'm getting kind of nervous..He and I are talking, and he makes me so happy I just want him forever but I dont know if that's what he wants. I just, god I don't know. I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to go, they always leave but not him..he can't. God, I hate being so needy. I hate it. HATE ME. fuck. Why do I have to be like this?

Fucking worthless.
Fat and fucking worthless.
a;lfjdaslfkjasdlj
damn it.

Monday: In health we watched a movie called 'Dying to be thin.' It was not pleasant. They all kept laughing at how disgusting it was, as if anorexia isn't really around. I dont know, it just got to me I guess.

At school I had a water bottle, and two piece of orbit.
Came home and had myself a mini-binge.
purged. but still, i fucked it up.

   Hope you all had an amazing Thursday! Mine was amazing. Besides the fact that I ate like a lard, buttt I talked to my boy on and off  the entire day so I'm not thinking about the food at the moment. I will be tomorrow when I wake up a few pounds heavier. sick. Mm. I'm going to see my best friend next weekend and I absolutely CANNOT wait! Tomorrow, however I'm going to my mom's boyfriend's parents house. Which just happens to be a farm. Joy. Sadlyyyyy,  I will be gone for two days, far far away from civilization as we know it. Damn this sucks!

Have a good Friday/Saturday.
Loveee you!

 So, it's morning and the realization that I ate like a fucking fat ass bitch has sunken in. Suprisingly only .2 lbs heavier, but still the fact of the matter is I ATE IT. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Today we're having another "Thanksgiving" with my other family :| This is going to suck. The jeans I'm wearing though are a five and usually, I wear a seven. Sick, I know. But AHH! I was so happy. Now I have until Christmas to be in a three. 31 days. I can do it. Hope you girls have a fabulous day.  

I woke up a few minutes ago, to him being on the phone. GOD I love him. He just called me to say Happy Thanksgiving, and that he was going to be at his Mom's today and wouldn't be online. His voice being the first thing I heard, made my entire day a thousand times better. I feel really gross, I didn't shower before I went to sleep last night. So, I should go do that now.

I'm dreading today. Hellllllp.

That is exactly how I feel right now.

 FUCK I HATE THIS.
hate hate hate hate it.

We talked. Everything is fine.
I love him, he loves me.
we're happy and we're TOGETHER.

Mm, I have so much to say.
how do I say it?
How do explain the innerworkings of my complicated mind? How? Please tell me so that I can get these emotions out of my head, and on to paper, or rather..type it on here. I don't know, I just..don't know. I hate this. I hate that I can't express myself. I've ALWAYS been able to express the way I feel. What's gone wrong? What is this?

I don't understand.
not one bit.